I'm Sorry (You're Welcome) Songliste & Songtexte
- 1
Introduction, A Gift From Derrick
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center
- 6
- 7
The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe
- 8
Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A ‘Zine
- 9
Contacting Celebrities On Facebook
- 10
Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH
- 11
Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods
- 12
I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage
- 13
Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- 20
Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax
- 21
- 22
Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner
- 23
I’m A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor
- 24
I Thought I Was The Pancake Man
- 25
You’re A World-Class Pussy-Grifter
- 26
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
Fox Embarrassed About His Boner
- 41
- 42
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- 44
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- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- 54
- 55
Telephone Falling On The Ground
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- 60
- 61
- 62
- 63
- 64
- 65
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- 67
Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man
- 68
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- 70
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- 72
- 73
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- 75
- 76
- 77
- 78
Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy
- 79
- 80
- 81
- 82
- 83
Italian Person Eating A Pizza Pie
- 84
Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For
- 85
Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar
- 86
Grand Wizard Can’t Find A Sock
- 87
- 88
- 89
- 90
- 91
- 92
- 93
- 94
- 95
- 96
- 97
.357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon
- 98
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- 101
- 102
- 103
- 104
Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business
- 105
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- 115
Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands
- 116
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- 118
Fur Coat Getting Fucked By A Bunch Of Cats
- 119
- 120
Jewish Person Saying “Oy Vey” Wrong
- 121
- 122
People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency
- 123
- 124
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- 126
Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial
- 127
- 128
One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money
- 129
- 130
Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question
- 131
- 132
Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall
- 133
- 134
- 135
Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them
- 136
- 137
- 138
- 139
- 140
- 141
Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom
- 142
Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie
- 143
- 144
Fire Hydrant That Doesn’t Want Anyone To Know It’s Anti-Semitic
- 145
- 146
LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi
- 147
LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise
- 148
Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich
- 149
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- 151
- 152
Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion
- 153
The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better
- 154
Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong
- 155
- 156
- 157
- 158
Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf
- 159
- 160
- 161
Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World
- 162
- 163
Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time
- 164
- 165
- 166
A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter
- 167
Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies
- 168
Yellow Line That Divides Roads
- 169
- 170
- 171
- 172
- 173
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- 176
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- 179
- 180
- 181
- 182
Larry King Being Told Important Information
- 183
- 184
The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record
- 185
- 186
- 187
- 188
- 189
- 190
- 191
- 192
- 193
Elevator At The Empire State Building
- 194
- 195
Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood
- 196
- 197
- 198
Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated
- 199
- 200
- 201
- 202
Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident
- 203
- 204
Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged
- 205
- 206
- 207
Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom
- 208
- 209
- 210
- 211
- 212
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Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game
- 214
- 215
School Teacher Given Permission
- 216
High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future
- 217
- 218
Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City
- 219
- 220
- 221
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- 223
Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction
- 224
A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs
- 225
- 226
- 227
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- 229
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- 231
- 232
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- 234
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- 236
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- 238
- 239
Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook
- 240
Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations
- 241
Conversational Russian In The Workplace
- 242
Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings
- 243
Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest
- 244
Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances In Public Spaces
- 245
Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia
- 246
Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World Of Academia
- 247
Polite Ways To Engage People Of High Status
- 248
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- 284
- 285
- 286
- 287
- 288
- 289
- 290
- 291
- 292
- 293
- 294
- 295
- 296
Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages
- 297
- 298
- 299
- 300
- 301
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I Can’t Answer The Phone (But I Want To)
- 346
- 347
- 348
- 349
It’s Not A Slumber Party Without Thor
- 350
- 351
Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up
- 352
Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin
- 353
- 354
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- 356
Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry
- 357
- 358
- 359
- 360
Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh… Thanks
- 361
- 362
Don’t Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret
- 363
- 364
Whoa… Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel
- 365
- 366
Let’s Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold
- 367
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. And Mrs. President
- 368
Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun
- 369
Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner
- 370
- 371
- 372
Land-Grabber’s Cousin Has Nice Upstairs
- 373
Mrs. Thunder / Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain
- 374
- 375
Round One Goes To Princess-Rump
- 376
- 377
Just Another Guns N’ Roses Brunch
- 378
Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp
- 379
Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache
- 380
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- 382
Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD… Actually, Keep It
- 383
Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded
- 384
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- 389
Bandits Helping Around The House
- 390
Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling
- 391
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- 393
That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded
- 394
The Healing Heart / Mother-In-Law
- 395
Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party
- 396
We Get Five Weeks’ Vacation In Holland
- 397
Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant
- 398
- 399
Dude, We’re On The 5 O’Clock News
- 400
- 401
I Don’t Have The Hiccups Anymore
- 402
Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven
- 403
These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!
- 404
Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful
- 405
I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now
- 406
- 407
We’re Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind
- 408
IT Department Doesn’t Have A Care In The World
- 409
- 410
- 411
- 412
- 413
Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want
- 414
David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange
- 415
- 416
Anti-Vaxxer “Saxophone” Relaxer
- 417
- 418
Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise
- 419
Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy
- 420
- 421
French Woman Enjoying A Danish
- 422
- 423
With Or Without You (Preferably With)
- 424
- 425
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I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu
- 427
- 428
- 429
My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago
- 430
Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good
- 431
- 432
Found Your Thing Using MapQuest
- 433
Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store
- 434
- 435
- 436
Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)
- 437
Even Better Than An Associate Degree
- 438
I Went To School In The Boston Area
- 439
- 440
Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole
- 441
- 442
Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze
- 443
Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator
- 444
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My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days
- 447
- 448
The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia
- 449
Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)
- 450
We Were Just Talking About You
- 451
Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford
- 452
- 453
- 454
Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces
- 455
- 456
- 457
Drinking Straight Out Of Lust’s Milk Carton
- 458
Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation
- 459
Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief
- 460
I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?
- 461
Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short
- 462
Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?
- 463
- 464
Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?
- 465
Portland, ME Is Cool… But Really Weird
- 466
The Wish-Maker Will See You Now
- 467
Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker
- 468
- 469
- 470
Please Don’t Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)
- 471
- 472
A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source
- 473
Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit
- 474
A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven
- 475
- 476
Please Be Quiet Or You’ll Wake Up My Titties
- 477
- 478
She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter
- 479
Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game
- 480
Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence
- 481
Two Gigolos, One Office Manager
- 482
Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting
- 483
It Took Another Man’s Wife To Make This Boy A Man
- 484
- 485
My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse
- 486
- 487
- 488
I Feel Like I’ve Known You For Hours
- 489
Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out
- 490
- 491
Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two
- 492
Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of Shit
- 493
I’m The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There
- 494
Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style
- 495
Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship
- 496
- 497
Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons
- 498
The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This “Carrot-Man”
- 499
- 500
It’s Like Apples And Oranges (Fucking)
- 501
College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It’d Be
- 502
Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help
- 503
A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables
- 504
Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting
- 505
- 506
- 507
Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding
- 508
A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure
- 509
So Glad That Was You Behind Me
- 510
An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman
- 511
Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude
- 512
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You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir
- 516
Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers
- 517
You’re Like John Adams Times 1.5!
- 518
Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer
- 519
I Guess We’ll Need A New Kitchen
- 520
Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other
- 521
They Call Me The “You’re Welcome Man”
- 522
Let’s Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl
- 523
So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse
- 524
File Under “The Rolling Stones”
- 525
No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct
- 526
My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles
- 527
Two-State Solution With Benefits
- 528
My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position
- 529
Can’t Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey
- 530
Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning
- 531
- 532
Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie
- 533
Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood
- 534
Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door
- 535
No Senator, I Already Have Two
- 536
PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder
- 537
Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work
- 538
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