Asparagus Next Left Songtext / Lyric

We've just been performing a guerrilla gig

In the middle of another group's guerrilla gig

Well surely that's the ultimate guerrilla gig

But still they cried like girls



Road signs on our country lanes

May not be what they seem

“Asparagus Next Left” – who says?

I've been upstream

Going down there for plum tomatoes

That's not a good idea

For “Horse Manure 200 Yards”

Read bottomless perdition



When the club-versus-country dispute arose

Small children were trampled in the exodus

We all knew someone at primary school

Who had a very powerful magnet






“This-a-way For New Potatoes”

An arrow points innocently

Dirt track to a darker place

That's what it says to me

“Last Chance For Hanging Baskets”

They're even giving you clues!

“Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines”

Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms!



Whatever happened to the plumber's van?

The humble, amateur Transit van?

Vans have become ridiculous

With their strategies and logistics



“Veer Left For Marmalade!”

I don't think so Joe

And why are “Tractors Turning”?

We really ought to know

So stay alert on the minor roads

Remember Phyllis Triggs

Oooh! Rhubarb! Lets go!

She's still not been accounted for