Jamie's Petting Zoo Songtext / Lyric

i've had my pet

since i was nine years old

i loved him and fed him

but one day he attacked

i knew he didn't love me back

so i grabbed him like a football

and punted fifty yards

now i hate pets

take yourself to the vet

now i hate pets

dolphins trapped in little nets

now i hate pets

you little fucking

screaming shit-bag

i should of let your mother

eat you, little fucker






so i got a little birdy

and i trained it everyday

he knew 1000 words

but then he flew away

but then i got him back

the fucker wouldn't shut his trap

so i took him to the bathroom

and rubbed his beak in shit



now i hate pets

spotted owls in their nests

now i hate pets

bagged a deer and made a vest

now i hate pets

birds and bees and bears and bison

pigs and parrots and pandas

i fucking hate them all!



i was walking through the park

when a snake peered from his hole

a perfect opportunity

to take the bastard home

i chopped his fucking head off

with my handy garden hoe

and made a lovely hat-band

for my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw!



now i hate pets

10, 000 volts to the chest

now i hate pets

fed my cat some cigarettes

now i hate pets

you little fucking

screaming shit-bag

bastard

fuck you, you

fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!