Battle Of Epping Forest Songtext / Lyric

Along the forest road there's hundreds of cars, luxury cars

Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars, super scars

For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out

'Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary

They disagree on a gangland boundary



There's Willy Wright and his boys, one helluva noise

That's Billy's boys with fully-fashioned mugs

That's little John's thugs, the Barking slugs, super smugs

For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out



Yes, these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor

East end heroes got to score in the battle of Epping forest

Yes, it's the battle of Epping forest right outside your door



And you ain't seen nothing like it

No, you ain't seen nothing like it

Not since the civil war



Comin' over the hill are the boys of Bill

And Johnny's lads stand very still

With the thumpires shout, they all start to clout

There's no guns in this gentleman's bout






And Georgie moves in on the outside left

With a chain flying round his head

And Harold Demure, from art literature

Nips up the nearest tree, here come the cavalry



Amidst the battle roar, accountants keep the score, 10-4

They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone

The bluebells are ringing for sweet meal Sam, real ham

Handin' out bread and jam just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic



It's 5 to 4 on William Wright, he made his pile on derby night

When Billy was a kid walking the streets, the other kids hid, so they did

And now after workin' hard in security trade, he's got it made

The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid



"I do my double-show quick" Said Mick the prick, fresh out the Nick

"I sold cheap holiday, the minute they leave

Then a visit I pay an' does it pay"

His friend, Liquid Len by name, of wine, women and Wandsworth fame

Said, "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed"

I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed, got me framed



They called me the reverend when I entered the church unstained

My employers have changed but the name has remained

All began when I went on a tour, hoping to find some furniture

I followed a sign, it said, 'Beautiful Chest"

It led to a lady who showed me her best



She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes

So she rang the bell, and quick as hell

Bob the nob, came out on his job to see what the trouble was



"Louise, is the reverend hard to please? "

"You're telling me!"

"Perhaps, sir, if its not too late

We could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffirdshire? "

"Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute"

But the devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out "Shoot!"



To save my steeple, I visited people

For this I'd gone when I met little John

His name came, I understood

When the judge said, "You're a robbing hood"



He told me of his strange foundation

Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation

He'd had to hide his reputation

When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door



But now, with a pin-up guru every week

It was love, peace and truth incorporated for all who seek

He employed me as a karma-ma-mechanic, with overall charms

His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms



That's why we're in the battle of Epping forest

Yes, it's the battle of Epping forest

Right outside your door



We guard your souls for peanuts

And we guard your shops and houses

For just a little more, just a little more



In with a left hook is the bethnal green butcher

But hes countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight

And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men

Is lobbing Bob the nob across the gob



With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress

But Jones the jug hits Len right in the mug

And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure

Fires acorns from out of his sling, here come the cavalry



Up, up above the crowd

Inside their silver cloud, done proud

The bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass

The butlers got jam on his rolls, Roy Doles out the lot

With tea from a silver pot just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic



Along the forest road, its the end of the day

And the clouds roll away

Each has got its load, they'll come out for the count

At the breakin' of day



When the limos return for their final review, it's all through

All they can see is the morning goo

"There's no one left alive, must be a draw"

So the black cap barons toss a coin to settle the score