No one's living Songtext / Lyric

Fast Forward slows down to play but this ain´t no game.
Except the shit in my brain in my head
nothing remains the same around me.
Insane thoughts caught me once.
My mind´s captured in endless loops, can´t help to blow a fuse.
Back in the days, I thought I was a roughneck but now I´m wrecked.
All types of B-movies become real in my head.
My memory, please, won´t you let me
and let in some light to guide me out of my past
brighten this nightlike darkness inside.
Held prisoner in my braincells, take a glance through my eyelense,
images of memorized violence.
You could never fathom the dephts that I´ve been in
and you would never believe in the things I´ve seen, that can´t be seen.
In words: taking heads to the kerb, it hits, it hurts, it bursts.
Death passes so slowly, it´s the first day of birth.
Eye to eye with the beast through a mist of blood.
I fall my fist clenched strange how life could change this fast
and you see how fragile it is.
Take care of my soul, my little sister
I swear without you I wouldn´t be here.
You know it: I did not exagerate,
when I said it an emotional ghetto in the heart I got it.
Shit! I know that it would have been the same,
even if I ate tons of Prozac.
It´s hard to keep my head up, frustated.
Maimed, but shame I feel the same, what is Pain?
Restrain this self-pitty Reality´s: life´s dangerous and deadly.
You´ll remember me when you´re fucked up and you´re lost.
I can´t stop the teardrops from falling.
So if you see me, don´t smile.
I got a hotline to hell, triple six is what I will dial.
Back is the devil, coming for my ass downstairs in my nightmares
but who dares to stop him and who can and who cares if I lose my soul.
Trying not to fall, but after all I lose hold, trip and lose the control.

"No one´s living the life that I live."

I gotcha Nightmares I capture on paper and tape in rapture.
Writing means danger to me, can´t help going insane.
Yo I don´t know it anymore have my thoughts also been there before
or are they second hand implants I forced to grow.
Somehow imagination runs amok as I self destruct.
Visions so vivid ... I´m getting drugged up on bad luck.
There´s no protection to save me, no self deception.
While I´m trying to relax, I´m attacked by flashbacks.
Conflicts I seek or create myself because I´m sick,
it´s like celebrating self-hatred in my lyrics.
Trying to flee by encoding obscure semetary poetry
though I know this ain´t a remedy.
Resignation is daily suicide.
No one can tell me what it´like to take life, to lose life.
First I denied and tried to hide thoughts like this when I write.
They´re coming to me, they´ve allways been common to me.
The bottom of despair, that´s where I come from.
I´ve been told to look towards the positive.
Ey, son, what can it give me,
living in the haste of our days
it all seems to me like emotional waste.
I rap shit, quickness I inflict because I´m angry.
Evil seeds and a monster´s breed I carry inside.
Bury my hopes and bury my pride, lower my sights.
Don´t get it wrong, I´m not afraid to fight.
I don´t fear death don´t even fear life.
I got a bloody phantasy making all your demons envious and crazy.
Still I don´t get it why I´m such a maniac,
maybe it´s because when you die, sometimes you come back.