gus, the theater cat Songtext / Lyric

JELLYLORUM
Gus is the cat at the theatre door.
His name, as I ought ot have told you before, is really Asparagus.
That's such a fuss to pronounce, that we usually call him just Gus.
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
and he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake.
Yet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of cats -
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats.
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime;
Through his name was quite famous, he says, in his time.
And whenever he joins his friends at their club.
(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub).
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays,
with anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days.
For he once was a star of the highest degree -
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree.
And he likes to relate his success on the halls.
Where the gallery once gave him seven cat-calls.
But his greatest creation, as he loves to tell,
was Firefrorfiddle, the fiend of the fell.

ASPARAGUS
"I have played, in my time every possible part.
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart.
I'd extemporize back-chat, I knew how to gag,
And I new how to let the cat out of the bag.
I knew how to act with my back and my tail,
with an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail.
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts.
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts.
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell;
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
in the pantomime season I never fell flat,
and I once understudied dick Whittington's cat.
But my grandest creation, as history will tell,
was Firefrorfiddle, the fiend of the fell.

JELLYLORUM
Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin,
he will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne.
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on, pat.
When some actor suggested the need for a cat.

ASPARAGUS
And I say: "Now, these kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe,
and they think they are smart, just to jump through a hoop"

JELLYLORUM
And he says, as he scratches himself with his claws.

ASPARAGUS
"Well, the theatre's certainly not what it was
these modern productions are all very well.
But there's nothing to equal, form what I hear tell.
That moments of mystery
When I made history
As Firefrorfiddle the fiend of the fell.

I once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire
To rescue a child when a house was on fire
And I think that I still can, much better than most.
Produced blood curling noises to bring on a ghost;
And I once played Growltiger, could do it again -
Could do it again ...
Could do it again ...