Love Is... Songtext / Lyric

I love you like kings love queens
like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans (genes).
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought
like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out.
And I want you like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof.
And I want you like JFK wanted a car with a roof. Because love is taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool and love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that they?re all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place.

I love you like Dora loves maps like the Pope?s toilet loves holy craps.
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch,
like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland-Ranch.
And I want you like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform.
And I want you like Anne Frank wanted
nobody to read her f*cking diary...cause a diary's a collection of secret things that no one?s supposed to read, that?s the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girl?s privacy after she was chased by Nazis kick her while she's down.

And if we met in 10000 BC I was your caveman you?s my cavelady.
If we got hot we'd start rubbing,
if we got hungry we'd go clubbing.
There's wooly mammoths but I will protect us
you're making me devolve to a homo-erectus.

And if we met in 1780
I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady
slave...
Whenever I could get away from the misses
I'll go to your shed and then I'll steal you kisses.
But let's be serious I'd still work you full time as a slave
there?s a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socio-economic trends.
And if we met in 1941
I was a Nazi you?s a gypsy on the run.....that?s a little redundant.
That...probably wouldn?t have worked out.

Because love is your favourite food for every breakfast, lunch and dinner
and love is the holocaust except you don?t die quick and you don?t get thinner
and love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don?t want to reduce them at all cause if the rape rate declines you?ll see an equal decline in whistle sales....
Without rapists who?s gonna buy your whistles??

Love is all about... whistles...