Cleaning Out My Closet Songtext / Lyric

Cleaning Out My Closet Songtext And now it happened so often that he was getting particular and I'm more scared every time, worked to my speed and ventricular
One night, he came home and I was asleep in my bed,
He climbed on top of me and forced himself - between my legs
He told me:
"Hey Ray, I see you like them Popsicle sticks - so put your mouth on my dick - and fucking swallow the spit" And I was confused, but I was scared, so I did what he said
I had no idea the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping, it was thumping with like tons of my fear
Imagine being seven, seeing cum in your underwear,
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt
Disgusting right? Now - let that feeling ring through your guts

I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these niggas
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth through they liver
Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just - fucking step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men
But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
And psychologically - I was just as fucked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into Play - and with as scarred as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
I didn't wanna be attractive to - nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know

My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do,
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane, but I'm insane, but not the same as before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing, living, breathing, proof - look at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown
I'm fucking great, can't fucking hate you nigga - look at me now

Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
The makings of a legend are often - hidden in trials
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the end

[Outro]
Yeah -
there's a story behind every single scar that I show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here - as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here - as I cleaned out my closet